The Power of a Support System
May 9, 2024
Credit: Pinterest
Editors: Dani Eder, Ava Malkin, & Kate Shapiro
As I checked into the Statler Hotel this August to move into college for my sophomore year, I was fighting to hold back tears. While my mom got the room keys, my roommate ran and gave me the biggest hug. I was so excited to see her, yet I struggled to shove down the knot in my throat and the pit in my stomach.
I wasn't stepping onto campus with feelings of unknown like I had the year before, so “things should feel different now,” I told myself. Yet they weren't. I felt just as nervous checking into the hotel as I had been a year earlier. Only last time, it felt normal to feel that way. Now, I felt defeated, like something was wrong with me.
As the lobby began to fill with my friends, I was surrounded by murmurs of excitement. All of them were itching to jump right into sophomore year, but all I could hear over the immense chatter were my own thoughts. All I wanted was to be right back home.
I spent the summer before my sophomore year of college in a spiral of anxiety. I completely isolated myself from my friends and even managed to convince myself they all hated me. Without even realizing it, I began to overthink every social interaction I had. The thought of walking into a party later that night terrorized me with fear. I felt completely alone.
Looking back on it, I have no idea what exactly made me so anxious during move-in, but I do know that I was not myself at all. Calling the first week living in a ‘quad’ in my sorority house an adjustment would be merely an understatement. The pit in my stomach that I felt during move-in had only seemed to grow as the days continued. I felt myself spiraling about something new in my head every second. I wasn’t ever able to be present, and I couldn't let myself enjoy my time with anyone.
Sophomore fall wasn’t the first time my therapist and I had discussed anxiety medication. But after I’d spent days in my bed, too exhausted by my thoughts, my anxiety had skyrocketed, and I started suffering from depression. I started feeling hopeless, believing I’d always feel this way. I have always had a ‘can-do mindset,’ and I always told myself that I could, or I should be able to, conquer my anxiety on my own.
Amidst my silence, my friends started to worry. Each of them began to check in, asking if I was okay. It took me a while, but I slowly opened up to them about how I was struggling. At first, it felt vulnerable, but then I started to feel loved and cared for. The more I let my friends in, the more of a support system they became. They listened when I needed them, gave me advice, helped me overcome some of my fears, and pushed me out of my comfort zone. They helped me set little goals each day to help me feel better. They encouraged me to try new things and talk to new people. And most importantly, they helped me realize that it was okay to take medication for my anxiety.
Though my therapist advised me that this was an important next step, I was reluctant to try medication for a while. My friends helped me realize that the way I was feeling was due to a mental illness and that it’s okay to need more support sometimes. They helped me realize that if there is something that may make me feel a tiny bit better, it must be worth a shot. Once my doctor and I decided to give it a try, one of my friends even came with me to pick it up and held my hand while I swallowed the first pill. I’m extremely grateful to have these people in my life who provided such an incredible support system for me when I was struggling.
My nervousness about the medicine led me to believe it wouldn't work… until I started to realize that it was. I began to feel more present spending time with my friends. I was actually able to execute the skills I was learning in therapy. Socializing didn't feel like a burden to me anymore, and I spent less time overthinking every possible situation or ruminating on every small interaction I had. Slowly, I started to enjoy life again.
I used to believe that I just needed to be stronger to conquer my anxiety. That I just needed to ‘overcome it.’ This year, I’ve learned that sometimes, you can put in all the strength you’ve got, and you still might need a little more help. Lean on your friends, family, and professionals for support. The people who love you want to be there for you; you shouldn’t have to struggle alone. Anxiety medication may not always be the right way to go, and it isn’t the solution for everyone. However, for me, it’s made a big difference.
I still struggle with anxiety, and I probably always will. However, as I reflect on the person I’ve grown into this year, I’m proud of how far I’ve come and how I’ve learned to manage my anxiety. And importantly, I feel extremely lucky for the support system I have around me.
