Alone or Lonely?
April 26, 2025
Writer: Ruby Chase
Editors: Rena Geula & Ava Malkin
Photo: Pinterest
It’s Friday night, you are curled up in bed, a bag of popcorn in your lap, and you’re watching You’ve Got Mail accompanied by the sound of raindrops against your window.
It’s a Friday night, you’re in the mood to find company, but the rain has everybody hiding inside. Nobody is picking up the phone, so you grab a pint of ice cream and pass time by contemplating the thousands of recommendations Netflix has conjured up for you.
Being alone and feeling lonely often look the same, but these are two distinct states of mind. We are uncomfortable with solitude because we conflate the two. Yet, we can find deeper personal fulfillment by recognizing the difference between intentional solitude and isolation imposed by social anxiety or the feeling of having nobody to call on.
Solo traveling and spending hours a week exercising alone have made me very comfortable when left alone with my thoughts. I cherish my solo pursuits, yet occasionally my internal monologue tells me I should be socializing and I worry that I enjoy being alone too much. Conversely, there are moments when solitude feels less like a choice. Like when it’s sunny in Ithaca for what feels like the first time in forever, and I walk down the slope by myself, watching everybody enjoy basking in good company.
In college, it can feel like everyone is constantly accompanied—walking to class in pairs, sitting together at the library, posting group pictures from nights out. But look closer. Everyone is moving through their own chaotic schedule of classes, meetings, and deadlines. Ironically, this is probably the most alone we've ever been, but the most pressure we've felt to appear social, both in real life and online.
In today’s social media culture, all we see are the highlights, which usually include time spent with others. The loneliest person is finding the most solace in posting a group photo. When you scroll past the group photos, it feels as though you are the only one alone. So, the next time you are with a group, you also choose to post a photo, feeding into a universal negative feedback loop. Suddenly, everyone has become an actor in the performance of masking loneliness.
What if we stepped away from Instagram and focused more on the relationships that quietly structure our days—the ones we too often dismiss as default: chatting with your roommate while you’re making dinner, making jokes with your coworker during a shift or small talk with the person you sit next to every lecture. Social media makes it feel as if only the friendships that show up on your profile count. Yet, that conversation with your roommate might be the most grounding part of your week. Talking to your coworker might lead you to a way of thinking you hadn’t considered before. Small talk with a classmate is a pause from the stress of our daily lives to check in. These can all be formative, meaningful relationships if you allow them to be.
On the flip side, recognize the intentionality of alone time and embrace it. Listen to the thoughts in your head and the sensations in your body. Treat yourself like worthy company and allow your alone time to transform into irreplaceable nourishment.
Life comes in phases. There will be seasons of loneliness, seasons of independence, and seasons where you’re surrounded by people you love. You don’t have to replace what’s missing in one season with something that belonged in another. Appreciate the people who stay with you, even if their roles shift over time. Let the waves carry you. And let your understanding of “alone” and “lonely” be an anchor—so that no matter which phase you’re in, you feel just a little more at peace.
